He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are two peas in an std pod
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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