the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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