at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
