The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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