I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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