just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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