He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
