I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
