i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize