I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
