Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
