I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
