i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
