We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize