I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
