No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
