i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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