Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
