ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
