i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
