My nipple is on Facebook.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
