If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
