and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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