He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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