Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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