He disabled his match.com account in front of me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
