i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
