Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
