I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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