There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
