its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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