please come you make the beer taste better
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
