I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
