I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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