i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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