Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
