I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
