Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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