im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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