idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
