I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
