you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mom said you looked used
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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