I faked an abortion last night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize