I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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