haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
These tits shall not be calmed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
