ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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