You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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