if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
