Can i not drive my cunt home
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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