At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
