Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
