Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
