All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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