If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
