birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
