we should wear snuggies to the strip club
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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