my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
