hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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