I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
