I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I just sharted jello shots
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize