There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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