Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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