I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
