Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
