I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
