I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
