dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize