Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Couch. On fire.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
