I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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