you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize