well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
