11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
