Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize