how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
