Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
