Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
