I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
