I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
