Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
