My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
