There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
