oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
