honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
