I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
