well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
