Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
