I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
