I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
