you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
