dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
