and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
