I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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