Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
