My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
