Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
