Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
