I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
